Mara's Memorial Celebration in Amman, Jordan, December 17, 2007

Below you will find the remarks made at Mara’s Memorial Celebration in Jordan in the beautiful Embassy setting shown above, with the large photo of Mara that we brought from Washington hanging behind the podium where it also hung in Washington! Following this celebration inside the Embassy there was a further ceremony in the garden where a tree was planted that will grow into a large tree to shade the white marble plaque, table and benches as shown in the picture below. All of this was purchased and placed there in memory of Mara!

PROGRAM for Mara Galaty’s Memorial Celebration and Commemoration:
PUBLIC AFFAIRS AUDITORIUM, U.S. EMBASSY
11:00 am, Monday, December 17, 2007

Deputy Chief of Mission Daniel Rubenstein, Master of Ceremonies

“Amazing Grace” played by cellist Fadi Hatter, from the National Conservatory of
Music

Ambassador David Hale

Carol Galaty, Mara’s Mother

Dana Mansuri, Acting Mission Director, USAID

Prelude from the Suite #1 in G-Major for Cello by J.S. Bach – Fadi Hattar

George Kara’a, USAID Colleague

Arwa Ghanma, USAID Colleague

David Mees, Mara’s Partner

“Simple Gifts” from Appalachian Spring by Aaron Copeland and
the Sarabande from the 6th Suite for solo cello in D-Major by J.S. Bach – Fadi Hattar

Guests are invited to go to the front of the South Chancery for the Tree Planting Ceremony and the Picnic Area Dedication.

Stephen Carpenter, Chief of Party, Customs Administration Modernization Program

Reception with light refreshments and an opportunity to express condolences to Mara’s family inside the South Chancery


AMBASSADOR HALE’S REMARKS AT MARA GALATY’S MEMORIAL

Thank you all for being here and welcome to Mara’s family members (Carol Galaty (mother) and Gil Hill (stepfather)

As one who was not with Mara in her last weeks, perhaps her loss has not fully and truly sunk in. I still sometimes think she is going to turn around a corner after a long leave, and confront me with a dazzling smile and a handful of ideas on how we can do more to promote democracy and good governance in Jordan.

That, of course, is not going to happen.

But Mara, also of course, would be the first to insist that we focus not on loss, but in fact celebrate what Mara achieved in a short but very full life. So many of us here today, myself included, grew by virtue of our interaction with Mara, learned from her, and were inspired by her incredibly positive attitude and energy.

Her friends and colleagues in the USAID mission, in the Embassy family, and more widely in Jordanian society all know first hand the tremendous, positive impact Mara had in Jordan. She was a fine ambassador of America to the Jordanian people, and showed how Americans can be a tremendous force for good in Jordanians’ lives.

We talk a lot about what USAID does in Jordan, to the media, to visiting congressmen, and to American and Jordanian audiences. We always emphasize that we, the Americans, are supporting partners as Jordanians chart their future course. There is no one who embodied that spirit more than Mara.

The spirit with which Mara faced her final illness was also incredible. While in the end her body was vanquished, her spirit was not. As the Washington Post wrote, “such was the affection that her friends and colleagues felt toward her that the blog detailing her treatment attracted thousands of visitors and hundreds of comments from around the world.”

So, as I said, it is in the spirit of celebration that we should remember Mara and a life devoted to the service of others, to her country, and to building bridges across cultures.


CAROL GALATY’S REMARKS

Mr. Ambassador, friends and colleagues of Mara, I want to thank each of you today for holding this celebration of Mara here in Jordan and fro inviting us to join you. Please escuse me for reading, otherwise I might not be able to get through this!

This is the place, the job and you are the people Mara chose to come to even after one teacm of melanoma specialists in Boston told her it was a mistake that might cost her her life. Determined to come to Jordan, Mara continued to consult top specialist across the US until she found enough top specialists, at the best hospitals who agreed that she could receive her treatment in Jordan, managed by her doctors at Sloan Kettering in New York. Mara never regretted her choice. Shortly before she died she reaffirmed this saying: “If I had to make the choice again, I would do the same thing!”

I agree with Mara. Working in Jordan were some of the happiest and most rewarding times of her life! Had she been treated in Boston, she would have spent a miserable year in the hospital, she would never have gone to Jordan and ...she and I believe… it would not have saved her life! All of you, here, have been themost amazing, thoughtful and supportive friends and stimulating people to work with that anyone could imagine. I addition, Jordan is full of friendly people and is a fascinating country with a long history which it generously shared with Mara. You and Jordan not made Mara welcome and challenged her to do her best, but you have warmly welcomed us as her parents.

It is as Mara’s parent that I want to say a few words today. You know her as the active, insightful, caring person she became: I want to create a brief picture for you of the young Mara.

Mara’s birth was prophetic in many ways. As her father and I packed to move to Heilelberg, Germany, for a year, we found to our surprise that I was pregnant. 7 ½ months later, in the Frauen Clinic, Mara emerged to the laughter of the delivery staff, for I had asked in my poor German, “Ist enine Frau?” I had not said “Is it a baby girl,” but “Is it a woman?”

The nurses and doctors laughed, but I was correct. A part of Mara from the day she was born was a “Frau.” Certainly she was a smiling, happy baby, gurgling in her own language, and never crying even when she was hungry. As a matter of fact she was such a calm baby that the pediatrician who examined her at the hospital when she was 4 days old thought she was a Downe Syndrome Baby, and she spent the next 8 days of her life in the “Kinder Klinic” being tested for Down Syndrome before I was allowed to take her home. She ofg course was not Down Syndrome, just a very content happy baby! Yet, at the same time, she was also deep feeling, deep thinking and serious from her earliest years.

One day when Mara was about 3 and we were living in Green Bay, Wisconsin, her father and I were discussing our life living in Africa in the Peace Corps. Mara piped up with one of her serious Mara questions: “Where was I then?” Being a Zoologist, I explained--in hindsight with too much information—“Well, it was before we made you and ½ of yhou was inme and ½ of you7 was in your Daddy.” Mara thought quietly for a while, then looked at me with concern, “If my head was in you and my feet in Daddy, could people see my stomach?”

Mara always wanted ot help and take care of people, especially childten, from her earliest days. When she was 17 months old her sister Elise was born, and Mara loved helping me with Elise. Unfortunately, she was not always as helpful as she intended to be. Once, when she was helping me bathe Elise by washing her face, I suddenly realized that Mara had placed a wet wash clothe over Elise’s entire face. Elise nearly smothered!

Another day, when I picked Mara and Elise up at a friend’s house, Mara got in the car to go home but Elise, as frequently happened, refused. In frustration, with Mara in the car, I drove off to scare Elise. However, the lesson was lost on Elise for Mara started screaming hysterically, “DON’T LEAVE ELISE,” and I had to go back immediately to get Elise so Mara wouldn’t be upset!

Mara’s language skills, got off to and early, if strange start. Staying at the Embassy in Chile with my parents, Mara announce one day, “I can speak Spanish! I can say Coca-cola, Tang and galletas!” Who would have guessed that she would become the person we all knew who would one day speak nice languages?

As a teenager Mara tried everything. I now know she was giving us a preview of how she would lead her life. At junior high school she was briefly a cheerleader. Although she was happy with this role, her friends admit she was terrible cheerleader Nonetheless, she soon found a new role that both she and her friends thought was a good fit for her; she became the first female manager of the boys football team with locker room privileges. I think her work in the boys’ locker room with football players running around without any clothes on gave us our first glimpse of the “unembarrassable” Marta Galaty. The Mara who would later bare her chest to show people her mastectomy scars or her new breasts, whenever and where ever they asked!

Driving was not one of teenage Mara’s strengths. The first week she had her fist driver’s license, she skidded in the rain into a small tree. My car was totaled. Despite the fear of driving that this instilled her, she learned to drive here in Jordan and even, when driving us to Wadi Rum on the Desert Highway, got her little convertible sports care up to 104 miles per hour!

Let me address briefly how we have planned a continuing memorial to Mara and why we chose the Susan B. Komen Foundation “Mara Fund” as a fitting refection of her life, with a story justtold to me by a Portland, Oregon, acquaintance of the “Unembarrassable Mara.”

“I only met Mara a few times, yet her ripple is still felt my me and my daughter, Emily. When Mara was at my house for her farewell party, she gave me a gift. The gift was helping Emily understand what had happened to her Mommy, and to make the removal of my breasts something that was not too scary. I remember Emily wandering in and sitting next to Mara. Emily too was pulled in by the magnet that is/was Mara. Mara spoke to her softly, then whipped out one of her new stick-on breasts and handed it to Emily, inviting Emily to feel how real it felt and then to pass it around the room. Emily did this with a slightly embarrassed but interested and pleased smile.”

On today’s program you will find more about the Mara Fund and the annual “Mara Day” on her birthday, as well as how you can participate in this memorial starting by signing the guest book. We also have memorial Mara Pendants that Mara’s step mother in Portland, Oregon, made by hand. She invites all women woul would like to have one in memory of Mara to take one!

In closing let me paraphrase the poet Edna St. Vincent Millay, in calling to mind the Mara I loved so well and the person all of you knew. She had several lifetimes of accomplishments in her short 38 years…Ah Mara…
“Your candle burned at both ends;
It did not last the night;
But through your work, and to your friends—
You gave a mighty light!”


DANA MANSURI’S REMARKS

I would like to say welcome to Mara's family and how happy I am that you are able to be here with all of us today. We have all been waiting to share this time together with you here in Jordan after virtually sharing the last couple of months of Mara's life through her blog site on the internet. We have been waiting because we also wished to celebrate her life with you and to let you know how much everyone here loves and misses her too.

For me, when I think about Mara, I always think, connection. Even though she was far from us during her last few months, Mara always connected and her blog is a tribute to the love and connection she had with so many people all over the world. From the first time Mara and I met just a year ago, I felt as though we had been life-long friends and without knowing the details of our past, we knew each other. Mara had the most amazing ability to connect with just about anyone and everyone she met and in that meeting, she made you feel special, as if you were the only person in the room. She brought that special quality to everything she did.

I would like to share a few thoughts with you from renowned author, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who has been a comfort to so many people. She believed that Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow. She believed that life doesn't end when you die, it starts. And for those of us who are left behind, it is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen and for us, Mara did not just happen. Thank you.

GEORGE KARA’A’S REMARKS

I am grateful to you... Mr. Ambassador……., to the USAID mission…., to Mara’s family and to David for giving me this honor to speak here today. I guess many would speak about Mara,… about her kindness…., her charming personality...., her ability to make everyone feel special….., about her brilliant, balanced and positive personality and love of life…… For me, I would like to take this opportunity to talk to Mara – to tell her that we all miss her and that we all missed the chance to say thank you..…

First, a thank you from Jordan….. Three weeks ago I received a call from a Jordanian Expert at the Ministry of Political Development. She expressed her gratitude and praised a paper prepared by USAID on civil society in Jordan, she said the person who prepared this paper knows Jordan more than I do…. All what she really wanted to say was thank you to Mara…..

Thank you for believing in our Jordanian local communities, in our political rights, in the Jordanian women’s rights….

And I say Thank you from all of your Jordanian friends, who enjoyed working with you ….from your colleagues in our Social Sectors Office, who all started and ended their days for the last two months reading your blog. We all feel you were one of us.

Thank you from my wife, for being a dear friend of hers,.. and from my three years old little daughter, Chantal, who is still asking for you to read her stories… And finally, a thank you from me. Galaty: I learned a lot from you.... you are my ideal, I can still feel your spirit all around me.

I thank you for believing in me; … for giving me the opportunity to succeed; I thank you for the smile that made my every day at work a fun day. …. for being my gym partner, my diet partner and most of all … thank you for being my friend.

Mara, we are committed to realizing your dreams, hopes and aspirations. May your soul rest in peace.


ARWA GHANMA’S REMARKS AT THE COMMEMORATION OF MARGUERITE ROSE “MARA” GALATY

I am honored to have the chance to speak today.

The other day, I got my 2008 desk calendar. So just like I do every year, I went through my 2007 calendar for important notes I had scribbled; meetings I had attended, reminders I had written for myself, people I saw that day and what we discussed, important events that took place, new births, departed loved ones. When I reached December 31, I couldn’t help but think of how I would have lived my life had I known what last year had in store for me. What would I have done differently? And this brings me to Mara. Mara was an example of how life must truly be lived. All life’s moments were precious to her and she lived them like there was no tomorrow. She seemed to have a deep insight about life that escaped so many of us. She had that special something that drew people to her; that charm, that charisma, that courage, and that carefree outlook on life. She always found ways to brighten someone’s day through a smile, a word, a gesture. She exuded warmth and lightness of spirit; one felt good just by being around her. I can go on and on...

To Mara’s parents I say: thank you for raising this wonderful person. I am sure you are very proud of Mara, proud of the kind of person she turned out to be, proud of her achievements, both personal and professional. We mourn her loss with you. Was she taken before her time? Everyone is inclined to say yes. But who are we to say when someone’s appointed time is? Psalm 90 says: “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Some people live to be a hundred, and when they depart our world, they pass quietly and are eventually forgotten. But a rare few, like our Mara, although they live for a short span, they leave a legacy and remain as beacons along the way because they had set a living example of how life is meant to be lived. If only we could all heed their example, the world would surely be a better place.

To Mara’s colleagues: It was a privilege to work with Mara, to which I am very grateful, and I am sure, so are many of you. I know that you will always cherish that special place in your hearts that will always be reserved for her.

To Mara: I would like to quote Gibran Khalil Gibran who said:

“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”

Thank you, Mara, for teaching me how to live. I love you... I will remember you...



DAVID MEES’S REMARKS


Curt Hofer, our Embassy doctor who took Mara to the U.S. for treatment on September 4, a flight that Mara’s oncologist called “heroic,” told me that at one point during the flight the two of them did the Sudoku puzzle in their newspapers. After 15 minutes Mara evidently got tired, folded up her paper, and went to sleep. Curt kept working on his puzzle and eventually, about 40 minutes later, as he was working out the last numbers, realized he had made an error at some point, meaning the entire thing was botched. Out of curiosity he picked up Mara’s paper. To his astonishment, his patient with seven lesions in the brain, had actually finished her Sudoku, and it was correct! Curt told me that what he really liked was Mara’s humility: Rather than announcing she had finished, she just folded her paper and dozed off.

Mara and I met almost four years ago at Gil and Carol’s house in Washington,
D.C. It was a get-together for classmates of mine from graduate school. She and I attended the same school, ten years apart. Mara had just moved back East from the West Coast a couple of days before, and was about to start a new job: at USAID headquarters.

I was more interested in this Mara than in my old classmates: How could I not like her? (And… if I may add immodestly, how could she not like me? I brought an ice-cream maker along and made ice cream for them all.) A few days later I asked Mara out to dinner and we quickly learned what else we had in common: Not just a graduate school and work abroad, but marriages that our respective exes had decided had been bad, which to both of us had come as a terrible shock.

When she then told me about the breast cancer she had had, I saw -- for the first and last time -- an insecure Mara. It took all her courage to tell me that she had had a double mastectomy. She did though, on our “first date.”

I’d venture to say that usually, when a man learns a thing like that, he runs away. But Mara, as we all know, was special. I loved her zest for life. The thing I was mistaken about, however, was that I thought this vivaciousness had something to do with her having stared death in the face. I assumed this was why she treated every day and every person as a gift. It was not until these last months, when I got to know her closest friends better, and after I read the testimonials on the Mara blog, that I realized she had been like this from childhood.

And I mean early childhood: when Mara wanted to celebrate her fifth birthday, the adults wrote out the phone numbers as she insisted that she herself call all her friends to extend an invitation to her party personally. (Not even our Ambassador does that!)

Mara was the perfect companion for adventure, and I am so happy that we had many together. We did not just love each other but, until the very end, liked each other. She was such good company... as you know!

I am so happy that I was able to help during the last months when the cancer aggressively imposed its brutal agenda. Of course I am thankful to Phil, Cindy and many others for letting me spend this time with her. I admit that I surprised myself with a nursing instinct that came to the fore. Until the very end, I enjoyed being with Mara and wanted to take care of her. Before all this happened, I knew Mara could take care of me. In fact she did so right after we got to know each other when I had a minor operation. But that a self-centered man like me would take care of someone in her moment of need... Even a nurse from Barbados, when I told her that I was Mr. Boyfriend, said: “Oh and you stayed with her after she became so ill? That’s good!” Well, I can only conclude that Mara brought it out in me! I am not exaggerating when I say these things about myself: doing an act of volunteerism on March 29th will not come naturally, but Mara’s spirit will guide me then too.

The last two months of her life were hard, maybe more so for us than for her. Mara was strong and ever grateful for the care she received but she hated being a cancer patient. Until six days before her death, Mara was convinced she would somehow beat the odds, or at least have another year or two to finish her contract here in Jordan and then to enjoy a quiet life at my house in Annapolis.

This difficult time is not what will be foremost in my memories of Mara. I will remember Mara in all her energy and beauty.

In Jordan you observe 40 days of mourning. It’s just a number, of course, but perhaps there is meaning in the coincidence of this remembrance of Mara coming just after the formal mourning period. Mara expected to live on after death in all of us, and would have wanted to be a source of inspiration. Of course we now feel pain when we remember that our colleague and friend, or daughter, my girlfriend, is not sitting at her desk upstairs. (Mara’s best Jordanian friend, George Kara’a, sits there these days!)

But soon, the feeling that will dominate will be gratitude for having known her. And probably also a desire to pass along a little of Mara’s effervescence.

I would like to end with words of the 19th century thinker Maurice Bucke. My cousin sent this to me and it helped me deal with the incomprehensible nature of death. It is also a quote that I believe Mara would have liked:

“Deep in the soul, below pain, below all distraction of life, is a silence vast and grand. An infinite ocean of calm which nothing can disturb; nature’s own exceeding peace, which passes understanding.”


STEPHEN CARPENTER’S REMARKS AT MARA GALATY’S TREE PLANTING CEREMONY

I’ve been asked to speak about Mara today for two reasons. First, I’ve been asked to represent the community of USAID implementing partners who worked with Mara. Secondly, I’ve been asked to say a few words about my observations of Mara as a spiritual person.

1. Implementing Partner: As one representative of the community of USAID implementing partners, I knew Mara only for a short time, but after speaking with the other implementing partners, I now see that my experience working with Mara was strikingly consistent with theirs. In fact, all of the implementing partners I spoke with used similar language to describe Mara: She was enthusiastic. She had an incredible spirit, she was collaborative and “an exceptional person to work with.”
Many of us who worked with Mara remember her unique way of using humor in a business setting. There was a sense of diplomacy in her choice of language that was quirky and informal, but often direct and effective. We remember Mara’s ability to cut to the heart of a matter, or defuse, or disarm – but always with respect and humor. For example, I was going through my emails with her and she rightly advised me “not to count my chickens before they’re hatched.” OK – message received. One of my colleagues recalls her advising a group at a roundtable to be careful about seeking approval from the higher-ups in case they put the “kaibash” on the proposed initiative. That’s definitely, uniquely Mara.

Mara’s enthusiasm for development work, her dedication, and intellectual engagement continually renewed our excitement for this work. I remember meeting Mara for the first time here at the Embassy. Mara instantly treated me like a trusted friend. I remember thinking how unusually direct, open, and genuine she was. I came out of meetings with Mara inspired, challenged to develop an idea further, or engaged on a deeper level. Such was Mara’s effect on me – and on so many of her colleagues and counterparts.

While speaking with other implementing partners and hearing them describe their stories about working with Mara, I often thought “Yes! That indeed was the Mara I knew.”

2. Spiritual: After visiting Mara at the hospital here in Amman, I mentioned to one of my counterparts at the Embassy that Mara was one of the most spiritual people I had ever met. What could I mean by this knowing that Mara did not consider herself religious in a traditional sense? I base this description on those same qualities that made Mara an exceptional colleague: her enthusiasm, her selfless dedication to others, and her upbeat approach to life “in spite of” the challenges she faced.
The most frequent word friends and colleagues have used to describe Mara is “enthusiastic.” I find it telling that this word comes from the Greek “en + theos” = god within, or inspired by god. Her person, her life, and her works were inspired. We can disagree on what we might mean by “theos” but certainly Mara’s life and works were imbued with meaning. I would describe anyone who devotes their life to meaningful action in this world, and inspires others to meaningful action, as a “spiritual” person.

Mara tirelessly dedicated her life to serving others. When I visited Mara in the hospital here in Amman, she confided in me (after requiring me to take two or three chocolates) that she felt a bit restless staying in bed. There was work to do. Given the circumstances, I found this amazing and yet consistently, selflessly, Mara.

Mara impressed us by her continued efforts “in spite of” the many challenges she faced. The 20th century theologian Paul Tillich, in his book The Courage to Be, redefines the spiritual person as one who affirms life “in spite of.” We all knew Mara as a courageous person who affirmed life and meaning “in spite of” the challenges.

As I reflect on Mara’s life and works, I am amazed by her courage and selflessness. As one member of the community of implementing partners who knew her only briefly, it was inspiring to work with someone so dedicated, talented, and funny and all this “in spite of” the challenges. We will miss her.