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It's Mara
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The Story
Hi Folks! Here's the story straight from the horse's mouth:
August 29 I stumbled over a word. It wasn't a big deal but I noticed. Then on Thursday night (August 30) David and I left on a fabulous long weekend in Syria. Friday we left Damascus for Palmyra. It was really hot. That day I stumbled over a couple words too -- it stood out to me since I never do that....
Saturday we walked all over Palmyra and I was really suffering from heat, or so I thought. I felt like I was making lots of mistakes in my speech -- but David didn't notice. Then I noticed that I had a small numb spot on my scalp behind my right ear. Strange, strange, strange. On Sunday, back in Damascus, the speech got worse (comegranite instread of pomegranite, etc.). By the end of the day I really felt like I was having trouble simply getting sentences out that were in my head. I couldn't make small talk with strangers (imagine that for me!) -- it was stressfull.
When I got home Sunday night I wrote my melanoma oncologist and he said I should immediately get an MRI. So Monday morning by 8:30 AM our fabulous health unit in Amman had me in a an MRI machine. By 9:30 I was out and found that I had metastatic cancer lesions (tumors) on multiple sites in my brain. Most notably, a frontal left lobe that deals with oral expression (the largest at about 1.8 cm). I also have one on the base of my brain where it connects to the spine, which may or may not have to do with the scalp numbness.
So -- Monday was a fabulous day in the hospital in Amman where practically everyone I have worked or played with in the past year came to visit -- it was a big party! By the next morning I was on a plane back to New York, accompanied by the Embassy's excellent doctor -- Curt Hofer. Tuesday night we arrived in New York and took a taxi directly to the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center hospital where we met my mother and oncologist. The past week in New York has blown by with tests and doctors and museums. David arrived from Amman on Sunday, September 9, and is going to be able to spend a month in the States (actually, we had a vacation planned now...).
So -- that's the beef. No headaches. No stroke-like symptoms. Just speech problems. In the last week the numbness on the right side of my head has covered my ear, jaw and moved down my neck and right arm. But as you will see from the blog -- treatment has begun so I hope it will all get better soon.
The plan: three weeks of full brain radiation (with weekends off). That is about all I know. There will be a plan afterward but we have to wait and see what this does before we decide. I still have a number of melanoma "freckles" on the skin of my chest -- so those have to be dealt with. I will keep you all updated regularly through this site!
August 29 I stumbled over a word. It wasn't a big deal but I noticed. Then on Thursday night (August 30) David and I left on a fabulous long weekend in Syria. Friday we left Damascus for Palmyra. It was really hot. That day I stumbled over a couple words too -- it stood out to me since I never do that....
Saturday we walked all over Palmyra and I was really suffering from heat, or so I thought. I felt like I was making lots of mistakes in my speech -- but David didn't notice. Then I noticed that I had a small numb spot on my scalp behind my right ear. Strange, strange, strange. On Sunday, back in Damascus, the speech got worse (comegranite instread of pomegranite, etc.). By the end of the day I really felt like I was having trouble simply getting sentences out that were in my head. I couldn't make small talk with strangers (imagine that for me!) -- it was stressfull.
When I got home Sunday night I wrote my melanoma oncologist and he said I should immediately get an MRI. So Monday morning by 8:30 AM our fabulous health unit in Amman had me in a an MRI machine. By 9:30 I was out and found that I had metastatic cancer lesions (tumors) on multiple sites in my brain. Most notably, a frontal left lobe that deals with oral expression (the largest at about 1.8 cm). I also have one on the base of my brain where it connects to the spine, which may or may not have to do with the scalp numbness.
So -- Monday was a fabulous day in the hospital in Amman where practically everyone I have worked or played with in the past year came to visit -- it was a big party! By the next morning I was on a plane back to New York, accompanied by the Embassy's excellent doctor -- Curt Hofer. Tuesday night we arrived in New York and took a taxi directly to the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center hospital where we met my mother and oncologist. The past week in New York has blown by with tests and doctors and museums. David arrived from Amman on Sunday, September 9, and is going to be able to spend a month in the States (actually, we had a vacation planned now...).
So -- that's the beef. No headaches. No stroke-like symptoms. Just speech problems. In the last week the numbness on the right side of my head has covered my ear, jaw and moved down my neck and right arm. But as you will see from the blog -- treatment has begun so I hope it will all get better soon.
The plan: three weeks of full brain radiation (with weekends off). That is about all I know. There will be a plan afterward but we have to wait and see what this does before we decide. I still have a number of melanoma "freckles" on the skin of my chest -- so those have to be dealt with. I will keep you all updated regularly through this site!
7 comments:
Looking beautiful, though now that I know what was really going on inside of her, I can say her eyes looked tired. Ahhh Mara, you went and left us. But we are all thinking of you.
Julia
Although I cannot attend the celebration of Mara's life in DC this weekend, I am (of course) thinking about her constantly today, and I'm sure will do so tomorrow as well. David and family, thank you so much for posting this photo and the other lovely shot of Mara with the flower in her hair.
Here's how I've been comforting myself over the past two weeks about Mara leaving us way to soon. . . I hope it may help comfort other folks out there too.
If the Buddhists are "correct" about reincarnation, then eventually our souls will evolve spiritually to the point where we won't have to keep returning to the material plain to live and learn whatever karmic lessons we're all supposed to be learning here on our own individual paths.
I like to think that Mara survived the last seven years so gracefully, and with such great good humor and compassion, that she learned what she was supposed to learn here in about half the time it takes the rest of us. Her soul evolved so highly that it was no longer necessary for her spirit to inhabit the material plain - and perhaps it will never have to return to this vial of tears again either. Sucks for the rest of us of course, but what a wonderful thought for her.
I believe that part of Mara's spirit will always remain right here with us, in our hearts and memories of her - as well as in all the incredible work that the wonderful new Mara Fund will enable and inspire. But for the most part, I believe that much of Mara's soul energy is spinning around the universe right now, creating great spiritually open spaces on planets where that is even more needed then it is here . . . and that is just perfect for her.
Love,
Lisa
Oh how very beautiful. Thank you, David. And Lisa, I agree...
Jeroen here, I think she is looking at us right now!!
Because I could not go to Washington, I analoged her foto, with the flower, and placed it on the piano. Every time I looked at it I had to cry.Life is not fair. Too Young and too beautiful to die so soon. This catastrophe must mean something for us all, otherwise her death wasn't worth anything, at least that's my thought. I hope she can laugh again, where-ever she is.
The blog came alive today as so many of us gathered in Washington to celebrate Mara's life. I finally met David and through tears was able to thank him for keeping us updated during Mara's final days. I ran into Luke whom I had met one time before. And of course, I was able to see Mara's family again in addition to many other common friends.
It was a hard day, full of great sorrow. But I think in coming together we were slowly able to piece together a partial account of the tremendous impact that Mara's short life had on so many. We'll never be able to convene Mara's entire network in full, but seeing the huge group that gathered today confirmed that Mara's life was indeed supersized. Despite the limits of space and time, she loved and lived on a scale that many of us can only dream of imitating.
It is so hard to accept that Mara is gone but I increasingly find inspiration in her life story and know that it will shape me for a lifetime.
See you all in 2009 to celebrate her 40th!
Julie (Jules) Smith
Dear Julie,
I feel so proud of your account of the celebration of Mara's life! I feel you were an excellent representative of all of us who couldn't attend, for which I am deeply grateful!
I know Mara's family and siblings, too, and I have a picture of Mara and Luke, so I feel I know him, too. We seem so much to continue to be together in our sorrow and our pride! I believe you cried for us, and said what we all would have said to dear David and Mara's family! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Please, stay in touch!
Hugs,
Zlatna
November 18, 2007
How nice it is to sit at dusk
finally
for a moment
idle and quite relaxed
to watch the sky grow dark
with you
Large birds rise
from the ground
effortlessly
their fleeting shadows fleet
across your face
your dark hair spread
long and luxurious
gilded by the last ray of the sun
All that I have to retain you
are my words
fragile and weightless
more so than the wings of a dragonfly
my words
broken and meaningless
like raindrops dropping
revealed momentarily
upon a body of water
But somehow you understand
Somehow
you extend your hand
towards me
into your warm gilded darkness
together
we submerge
In this town
jade green hydrangeas
still abloom
against that grey brick house
in the cold rain
of November
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