Not today. The operation is now scheduled for Thursday at 12:30 and should last about three hours. The surgeon said to Mara and her mom this morning that, though results are of course never guaranteed, he feels it should go well. A portion of the tumor in question is at the surface. For some patients, the results are immediate. For others it takes a couple of weeks to regain the lost functions. Some never see results.
Today is a better day for Mara than yesterday. She even spoke a bit on the phone. Her message: We're going to come through this! Sister Elise arrives today. Daddy-Dave tomorrow. I am getting on a plane tonight.
Thanks for the outpouring of love via blog commentary, e-mail, telephone and telepathy: Mara, you're not a statistic. You're our Mara.
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46 comments:
Mara, I remember reading Walt Whitman's "Song of the Open Road" in Madison and thinking that if anyone understood Walt, it was you. You live for the open road, and I knew you would be on it all your life. Not that long ago, Patrick sent me a verse from this poem and I reread it after many years. It still seems to fit you. You are still on that road -- and Walt was right. This blog proves it. You have blessed so many of us. I hope we have blessed you half as much. Here is just one verse.
From this hour, freedom!
From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master, total and absolute,
Listening to others, and considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space;
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.
I am larger, better than I thought;
I did not know I held so much goodness.
All seems beautiful to me;
I can repeat over to men and women, You have done such good to me, I would do the same to you.
I will recruit for myself and you as I go;
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go;
I will toss the new gladness and roughness among them;
Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;
Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.
Robert and Patrick, Yes! Thank you for Walt's words which do fit so perfectly. David, thank you for keeping us all informed, and thank you for that heart-stopping photo of Mara, radiant in her skin, swimming in perfect translucence and stretching her arms out wide to embrace whatever comes.
Mara, hang in there, you are magnificent and so loved.
Hi Mara and David,
it's good to read that you'll be on a plane to Mara tonight(-day?), David!
Then, about yesterday's blog: v o l u b l e ...I looked this up in my dictionary, and either this thing is wrong or I am thick, but..really..David..." for once" !!???
Well, we'll talk this over..
In the meantime: Mara, hope this operation"ll do some good and we embrace you and David from here,
love Ems and Jeroen-and many tailwaggings (and foul breaths) from Loodi, Kiphond and Barend
Thanks for the update David and I am SO glad that you are getting on a plane. I wish flying carpets were still in vogue as they would make it so much easier for us to get around.
Last night I was sitting around feeling sorry for Mara, myself and the world in general and then I hear your voice inside my head and remembered how whenever we were going through tough times you would yank us out and get us to a bar or the cinema or somewhere to take our minds off it. So that's what I did... and felt so much better.
So Mara... even now you are having a good effect on me!!!
Sending you so much love and hugs and hoping that Thursday comes and goes smoothly.
Love Anna and Nick.
Just a note from the past wishing you well. You made Peace Corps training fun and even more of an adventure. Please ignore the name assigned to this post by blogger (it would be tedious to explain), but this is Marta, from PCBulgaria sending you loads of positive energy! love and light!
Mara, you and I had a conversation once where we agreed that one of our core values is that we have this unshakable belief deep inside that everything will always work out. I still believe that and I know that you do too! I love you, Liz Hume (because there are just too many Liz's that love you)
Mara -- In 'Civil Society and Its Enemies,' Havel wrote that people are "appreciated for what they give to their environment around them." You have given through your actions, strength of spirit, and good humor. And Havel is right, as you are appreciated by one and all. We'll be thinking of you and look forward to seeing you soon!
Mara,
May all our love and prayers see you, like a curative force that knows no bounds, through Thursday's surgery and foward.
Que Dios te bendiga,
Didi
Mara,
I am a friend/colleague of your dad's here in Portland and met you once or twice, but have been in touch with you through him and wanted you to know that you will be in the special prayers on Sunday at Trinity Episcopal Church in Portland. Our strength and love are pouring out to you there,
Linda Walton
Mara and David,
I just logged on a few minutes ago and read the latest news . . . No time before tomorrow for me to really process it, and no long message this time, bubeleh. Except to add whatever good energy my heartfelt thoughts, hopes and (whatever I do that passes for) prayers can generate to everyone else's outpouring of love.
And thank you Robert and Patrick for Walt Whitman. Helped ease the pain a bit . . .
Love,
Lisa
Dearest Mara, So many emotions reading the blog-- just want to let you know that Ian, Shep and I are thinking of you every day and each night at dinner we 'toast' your road to health. You are such an inspiration to us and taught us that nothing is impossible -- and now from that lesson we hope that the possible becomes reality. Our prayers, thoughts and best wishes are with you. Sarah
Mara just want to let you know how much you are greatly loved....the contributions you made for peace in the Middle East speak volumes. Sometime ago a shephard who would later become king of Israel wrote: "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You Lord are with me" Ps 23
All of the kids here at Starrett Elementary as well as adults send their best wishes. Grades 1 and 2 kids are busy working on "Get Well" cards to be shipped on Friday.
Peace and grace,
Robbie
Mara
We are in awe of how you are taking this journey. All the Milmans send their love. I look forward to hugging you in person which will be easier to do now that we are moving into the neighborhood
Bobbi and Greg
Mara
We are in awe of how you are taking this journey. All the Milmans send their love. I am looking forward to giving you a hug in person which will be easier to do now that we are moving into the neighborhood
Dearest Mara,
All my love and prayers are with you for tomorrow. To toss the Buddha into the mix:
"We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world."
And what a world you have made and continue to make for all of us.
Love,
Claudia
Mara- my thoughts and love are with you! i love you!
Kim
Hi Mara, thinking of you all the time these days. Have always seen you so selflessly helping others, making time for friends, new experiences. One of my all-time favorite quotes speaks to the person you are - offering hope. Wanted to share it with you and thank you for being who you are:
“Hope is a state of mind, not of the world . . . Either we have hope or we don't; it is a dimension of the soul, and it's not essentially
dependent on some particular observation of the world or estimate of the situation.
Hope is not prognostication. It is an orientation of the spirit, and
orientation of the heart; it transcends the world that is immediately experienced, and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons . . .
Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that
things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to
succeed. The more propitious the situation in which we demonstrate
hope, the deeper the hope is.
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the
conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that
something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”
-- Vaclav Havel
Love you,
Michelle
Hi Mara,
We'll be thinking good things for you on Thursday. You will get through this...Many hugs and XXs
Blanche
Mara,
We are there holding your hand.
We love you,
Jodi, Stuart and Alexander
To Sweet, Fabulous Mara --
We are with you -- in our thoughts, in our hearts, in our fervent wishes for a good tomorrow. (I liked what Lisa said about "whatever I do that passes for prayers" -- I'm not quite sure what prayer means to me, but YOU are most definitely in it.) Most of all, we are sending you our love.
Eden, Marc, Jeremy and Talia Bruner in Oakland, CA
Dearest Mara,
We have been keeping up with your posts from Portland, OR. We are sending you our love and good energy for your operation tomorrow and the following days. We are heading back to Maryland in mid-November and would love to see you, if you're up for visitors.
Lots of love, Cressy, Ben, Henry and Lucy
Wonderful Mara,
We send you all our love and wish you tons of luck for your operation. Of course you will come through this!!! No question!!!
Love from Dany, Gadi and Lilly
Mara, David and your loved ones,
"Along with the mist
That still rises this spring
Oh, the light of the moon
Making visible to us
The beauty of deepest night."
Tsuchimikado-in no kozaisho
One of the Thirty-six Immortal Women Poets
You are the light of the moon, guys.
Love, Jennifer, Matt, Radhika and Rhys
Dearest Mara - I am sending you tons and tons of love and positive energy. Let all the love you are receiving from around the world bring you strength and peace today.
Love, Cindy
Good luck today Mara. We've all been thinking of you and sending you tons of love via the telepathy lines.
Kristina, Terry, Heike, and babymulligan who will be making his on his or her way out into the great wide world some time in the next week or two.
Mara: The photo of Luke and Chris speaks volumes. My thoughts are with you and your family, and those crazy bald dudes...
Lova ya,
Mark Lopes
Hello there, Mara. Joel signing in from PC Bulgaria 91-93 (this makes it sound like I am still there, butchering the language and dodging the three-legged dogs of Bankya). Visiting your blog sure is a deep dose of a world filled with wonderful friends and loved ones cheering you on...You've created a darn fine life filled with love and adventure. I'm way out on the edge of the bleachers, but man, I'm cheering loud, too.
Go get 'em Mara. We all know you will come through this swimmingly (love the photo!)! You are in all of our thoughts today, tomorrow and for so many more.
I can only imagine how much positive energy is being emitted today and channeled to your room right now. Can you feel it? I hope so. I can see it so clearly. ....the verse from Walt Whitman says it all, especially "I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness". We are so blessed to have you in our lives and we look forward to waking up with you after the successful surgery today.
All of our Love,
Karen, Mike, Miles and Macy
Hi Mara Can you feel the love? It's pouring in from all over the world! The WLG's send their love from Wisconsin, Mississippi, Colorado, and Poland. You are an inspiration to us all and we love you very much!
All the Portland great spirits are wtih you today. Weaving a sarape of love, healing and stregenth!
You have to deal with this as graciously as you have everything else - and we'll all supporting you every step of the way.
I love you and know I'll be holding your hand and laughing next week.
Ann ( and Lisa and Dan)
Mara,
The Whitman verse from Robert is perfect. You are SOOOO loved and I hope you feel the warmth of it beaming in from all directions. This is but one more step in your recovery and I know you will handle this new challenge as you have all the past ones - with your trademark "Mara" grace, humor, and incredible strength (even when you don't feel like it). Know that all of us are with you in spirit and hope to see you soon!
Love and big hugs,
Carrie
Mara, it’s a little after 12:20 and I’m sitting in my State Department Cube. I pulled up your blog so I could take another look at that beautiful image of you swimming peacefully and pray for your success in surgery. In fact, I’ve been on the phone with a dear colleague from Nairobi, someone who has been surviving with HIV for more than 20 years and he too is putting you in his prayers. In fact, I’m sure at this moment, thousands – and gasp – that’s not even an exaggeration! – of people from Dublin, Portland, Istanbul, Washington, Madison, Amman, all over the world – we are all closing our eyes, picturing your strong and beautiful self and sending every ounce of our love and thoughts to embrace you through this surgery. Be well. with much much love, nomi
Dear Mara, Just a little bit after 12:30. I knew that I had to stop my on-going endless house re-organization project and just sit and say a little prayer and send you best wishes. Good luck my dear -- thinking of you. Sarah
Mara,
Checking in from Istanbul, where our clocks are adjusted to NYC time during these hours of your surgery. We are all in that operating room with you right now, and are squeezing and praying for a great outcome and health for you. May you heal, so that we can ride the Sofia-Istanbul overnighter one more time together, listening to the wheels of the train say "Obiknoveno" over and over again as they cross the border. The sound of the call to prayer is ringing out from the minarets here even as I write, and it makes me think, "Allah buyuktur," God is great. Tonight, here, the prayers are ringing out for you. All love,
Julia, Savas, Carmelo Kagan, Ronaldo Atilla
OK Mara - I think it is official. You are awarded the 'most loved person of the year' title!!
Reading through the thoughts of all these people who love you so dearly you have inspired me to also go out and tell all the other people I love how special they are. Sometimes we wait too long for momentous occasions (sickness, weddings, births etc.) to tell people how important they are in our lives.
This is inspiring me to make sure that I tell people on regular days not just the intense ones.
Thank you for being you - I hope you enjoy getting a huge hug when David lands back with you.
Anna
Mara, it's 1:15 Thursday and I'm thinking of you in surgery, and sending all my love and will to you. You already hold so much goodness, as Walt does, but there's always room for more. A lot more, considering the outpouring on this blog. I hope it feeds you well, through today and onward. Love, Laurie
Whitman and my beloved Havel, what more could be said...I told the kids this morning to send supportive energy to you during their lunch, I also reminded them on our little napkin notes, so if the power of children means anything...Andrew, Donna, Ted, & Katherine
A friend of Robert's---just letting you know you are in our thoughts here in Moab, Utah. We are glad he shared with us a little of his friendship with you, and we are inspired by your strength and determination.
We will be holding you in our thoughts and wishing you health and peace.
Hi Mara:
We met you just a few times but those few hours convinced us that you are one cool chick! You are so cool that we thought our only connection to you was through Robert. But being quite cool, turns out through our friend Heather (who met our other friend Heather because they dated the same boy), we've also met your friends Chris and Luke. The world is indeed quite small--especially if you are one cool chick. Sending positive energy your way. Lucy and Danny
p.s. Danny says "Thank you for showing us your boobs."
As a friend of Robert's, his email appeared this morning from Cairo to my little mountain town in the majestic Sierra Nevada of California. I read pieces of your journey and the intentions of so many beautiful people assembled to hold you in their hearts and entire beings.
I immediately envisioned a circle-- widening, expanding--around you. I am honored to join this circle.
My two year old daughter Francesca and I have gathered petals of the last vestiges of our summer garden--marigolds, zinnias, roses-- and we will take them down to our beloved river, the powerful Yuba and send with them our intentions and prayers for you!
We imagine them flowing through the Yuba's granite encased canyon into the goldfields and the valley out the Golden Gate--widening, growing in strength throughout the Pacific.
Your fortitude and beauty are resounding. With Love, Tania
Forty comments? That feels nearly biblical, like the forty days and nights you've endured this most recent trial.
My dear friend, by now you should be coming out of surgery. So many of us have been focusing our thoughts, our hearts, and our psychic energies on transmitting all the goodness we can muster in your direction. Like radio waves, they're beaming over the asphalt, through clouds and across oceans to NY. And when they get there they are uniting in a protective bubble around your bed. Feel that bubble of a zillion healing kisses and let it give you strength and light. You will get through this. Love, Liz M
Hi, Mara,
I was thinking about you, as I am heading back to Jordan next week, and pouting because I know it will just not be fun without you there. I hope you know that we are all pulling for you on your surgery and are sending our positive energy your way.
mara, all my prayers are with you. we love you so much -- and we know that this love is good for something with the big one upstairs. xo, kristina in pristina
Mara, As I read this blog, I can't help but believe that this tremendous outpouring of love and positive energy has made the surgeon's hand surer and - I fervently hope - tipped the outcome of the operation towards the best-case scenario. You are in so many people's thoughts.
Last night, before I saw any of the comments posted here, I was thinking about you and the poem Steven and I asked you to read at our wedding popped into my head. Of course, it was none other than an excerpt from Whitman's Song of the Open Road, and it included some of the very stanzas Robert and Patrick included in their post.
I remember that we chose the poem because we wanted a beautiful reminder of the importance of enjoying the journey, celebrating everything the world has to offer and having the courage to navigate an original path. And who better to read it than you, someone who has consistently lived her life this way (and I can testify to this, since I have known you since you were born!).
You have inspired so many of us and now, I hope, our collective good thoughts and wishes will inspire you to stay strong and keep up the fight.
Love,
Eden
I hope the surgery went well today, Mara. We miss your beautiful smiling face, so hope you can find some energy to deal with your fan club when you return to D.C.
much love,
Claire
Hi Mara:
We talked to Charlie yesterday and he told us of your current state of affairs--we are devastated that you of all people are underging such a tramatic illness and treatment. Charlie has kept us posted on your whereabouts, whatabouts and therefores over the years, but it is hardly the same as an upfront and personal visit. We think of you with such fondness and wish you the best--much strength and your usual tenacity to deal with your illness, and a hat full of love from us. Please to put Boston on your list for post-recovery--how much we would like to see you again. Love Lyndie and Tom
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