My mom and I made it to New York yesterday just in time for the CT scan. It was a long day for me. My mom packed some yummy organic sandwiches and fruit for the train. By the time we got to my Aunt Mary's (where we are staying) it was 4:30. I couldn't sit up anymore. So other than dinner, I spent the rest of the night sleeping. Today, I had made an appointment at the Sloan-Kettering Intergrative Medicine Center for a much-needed massage. I had been waiting until radiation was done -- I am not quite sure why in retrospect! Of the immense generosities that I have experienced in the past month and half, one of them was a gift certificate to the S-K Integrative Medicine Center from my friend Jodi, her husband Stuart, my godson Alexander, Jodi's parents, brother and his wonderful family and and step-sister and her new husband. That has been sponsoring my alternative therapies like the nutritionist, acupuncturist and massage. Seriously -- if one EVER needs creative ideas for gifts for cancer patients, ask me. The number of creative things that people have come up with is ASTOUNDING! Both little and big things -- group and individual gifts -- homemade and bought!
Today, it is fall in New York. I hope it lasts because it makes it feel like a somewhat different, more bearable city! After I got up and took my morning steroid (no more at night which makes me feel funky) I felt pretty good. My mom went with me over to the Integrative Medicine Center because she had never seen it and it is such a nice place. Then I had my massage -- it really felt fabulous and a I felt like I had a bit more sensation in my right arm briefly. I am going to have another massage with the same person Monday and see if that sensation repeats itself. I felt so good, that I decided to have lunch at my and David's old haunt the Pain Quotidien (four blocks from the center). I tried to reach my oldest friend in the world (really, I knew her practically the minute I was born) because I was having this window of opportunity -- but to no avail. That is the trouble with functioning on windows of opportunity. But everyone is being so cool and supportive about it that I don't even feel guilty. Is this how life is supposed to be? So I had a delicious organic black bean humus sandwich and continued reading the Ominvore's Dilemma -- I am almost done. It has been life changing in a really good way -- empowering one to understand more where the food in our conventional grocery stores, Whole Food type stores, local based farmers and so on come from. And thus, to make more informed decisions -- where are willing to compromise (or not) based on cost, environmental impact, global markets, development repercussions, etc. It is not depressing at all and it is incredibally well written and entertaining. I can't wait to finish this book though because I have gotten a few books from friends that promise to be fun, distracting reads!
So now I am home after lunch and feeling increasingly tired. I am going to rest all day because I hope to celebrate my cousin Meg's birthday at a restaurant right downstairs tonight. However, I am nervous given the way I start to feel come evening. So rest it is.
You all see how I am using part of my windows of opportunity to the keep the blog updated. I can't promise consistency -- but my heart is with you all!
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It's Mara
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14 comments:
Mara - I just read through the past days - it must have been hard to write all that. But I laughed at your friends who shaved their heads - there is true solidarity! And i am going to make a list of all those restaurants you have been to in New York. Sending so many positive vibes. Tons and tons of love
Anna
**Mara don't read this ;)**
Mara just gave me the perfect opportunity to post this!
If anyone else would like to sponsor Mara's much needed holistic therapies, the contact information is below. Call them, and they can send a gift certificate to her at her parents' address.
The Bendheim Integrative Medicine Center
(212)639-4700
Also, if you are interested in any other group efforts of support, send me your email address
and we will see what we can do together.
with love,
Jodi
jbtclinicalpsych@gmail.com
Mara, it's raining here in Istanbul, and I'm sitting here reading your blog and thinking of you. Autumn has arrived in this city too, coinciding with Seker Bayram, which is the end of Ramazan. I wish I could tele-transport you for a walk along the Bosphorus, or even a non-organic stuffed potato and mussels in Ortakoy! That reminds me, on the food front, despite my Ortakoy food fantasies for you, my instinct is to tell you to stay away from restaurants as much as possible, and have your new organic regime prepared as much as possible by you or your family at home. The many Turkish women in my life generally shun restaurant food for health and wellness reasons, and this is probably rooted in a deep knowledge that food prepared at home always beats food prepared "outside." In the meantime, kisses from Asia Minor, and you know that SENI SEVIYORUZ VE DE OZLUYORUZ, HER ZAMAN GIBI. Opucukler, Julka
Mara, darling,
This morning again, I started my day with you and your blog, wondering (as I was taking in big, hungry gulps the latest of your experiences) if you should do that at all and tire yourself so much!
It's a rainy morning here, in Sofia, no more Indian summer days, and as I read through Julia's lines I imagined your friends scattered all over the globe, sitting quietly, thinking of you, remembering, re-living, feeling again experiences we've had together. What a summer-autumn mood! I wish you weren't feeling tired, but I know it's too early for that, so, please, please rest as much as you can, sleep and recover! I bet each one of us knows you won't feel un-tired soon, but the moment I've written that part of the sentence, I feel I'm soooo impatient for you to be up and running again!
Take your time, my dear, and a long, long rest. We all keep our fingers crossed for you to wake up better and better every single morning! By the way, is it too much a strain on you to read your mail or have it read, or even pay attention? I hope if it is, Carol will just turn us all off for some time. Blog, or no blog, you are always WITH us, you know that!
Many, many hugs and kisses from the Bulgarian part of your circle!
Love, Zlatna
Dear Mara,
You are wondeful and brave to share how hard this has been for you. Take the time you need -- sleep and keep eating well. Be as invisible as you need to be. Everyone in this little global circle will keep emanating their support and prayers and love for you.
Love and hugs,
Claudia
Thanks for your window! Ans the lovely pictures, too.
Autumn is great; lovely light and good colours; my favourite time of the year.
Keep on eating those bean-things!!Black or other.
Big hug from us here, love ems
hi Mara,
I am on my way to work this Saturday a.m to run the first morning of a 7-week "Healing Tapestry" workshop for breast cancer survivors and patients at Project Quest for which I received a grant from Portland's Regional Arts and Cultire Council. I wanted to tell you that I will be weaving for you (I wish you could be IN the workshop!). I will be weaving powerful thoughts of good CT scan results and simple thoughts of love and strength for you, my darling far away girl. I eat up every blog entry and am bedazzled by your many friends and international connections(not surprising, just astounding--your web of LIFE) Hope NYC understands they have a goddam Goddess in their midst! I LOVE you, and will be weaving for you today. xoxoxo jo
Mara - I got back to DC last night from Armenia. Feeling the beginning of autumn cool was so welcome, my favorite season of all. So imagine how content I am to be home finally, to be sitting in bed early on Sunday morning under my favorite pile of down blankets and Russian quilts and to log on to read your new posts! A perfect start to the day.
Your latest entries are convincing methat I need to learn more about organic cooking. Can't wait for your return. Love, LizM
Happy Eid Mara!
We have been thinking of you and are glad that you are taking the time your body (and the little guys in your brain) needs to heal. Just remember that, bad as it is at times, it will end, and that there will be an end. Listen to your body, and to your little guys, and give them what they need. We (all of us who love you) will be here, sending you love and positive energy, regardless of how often you update your blog. Love, Jenn, Matt, Radhi and Rhys
PS, great job bald guys! have fun in Nepal!
mara, sending you good vibes from brooklyn and missing you like crazy. i am hoping, however, that the days are getting better rather than worse. dip into the reserves i know you have. even if you don't know you have them; i know you do. xo, kristina
Dear Mara,
After a totally crazy week and a half, I have just caught up on all your blog posts since 10/5 on this lovely, cool autumn-y Sunday morning in Portland (no rain today, but lots o' fog). Despite your body's exhaustion, it's clear that you are still mentally and emotionally in tip top shape (actually, it's amazing that it took this long for the exhaustion to even hit. If I were in your situation, I probably would have been sleeping all day from the get go ;-).
And even if you're not necessarily mentally and emotionally in tip top shape 24/7, every time I visit your blog it becomes clearer and clearer to me exactly how all right you actually are - and will always be - in spite of everything you're currently living through.
I live with and love several people with chronic autoimmune illnesses - husband with spinal stenosis and debilitating arthritis, two oldest dearest friends, one with lupus for the last 30 years, and one with MS for the last seven. Absolutely, different from cancer of course, but I think the physical and emotional ups and downs are very similar, particularly the recurring exhaustion and the need to kind of "hibernate" on occasion (curtail all social activities; sleep a LOT) in order to recoup and recover. All three of my loved ones simply integrate this need into already full and meaningful lives (well, my friend with MS has definitely had to learn to slow down when she needs to over the years ;-). I am convinced that their nonchalance about this just being a (new) "fact of life" helps them maintain their optimism, good spirits and real ability to simply enjoy all the people, places and things they love where and when they can.
It's so clear you have this ability too. You will be 100% fine, I have no doubt, whatever the next few weeks/months hold. Know that all of us out here in blogland who are cheering and rooting for you are 100% in your corner - you do anything and everything you need to do to feel/get well.
And yes, I did notice your "jowls and double chin" this time around - because you insisted on pointing them out ;-). Still, despite what you may see when you look in the mirror, you don't look bad and you don't look awful at all. To me, you just look like a sweet, cuddly baby with cute pudgy cheeks and soft baldy head. Of course, this may not exactly be what a 38 year old, extremely smart and competent professional woman wants to hear from ANYONE ;-). But trust me, the steroid effect is nowhere near as noticeable to those of us who know and love you as it is to you.
You have absolutely incredible friends bubeleh, I LOVE the guys who shaved their heads in solidarity with you - what sweeties!
Love, Lisa
Mara-
I read through your blog and am amazed at how you do it. I can only imagine how hard this is for you- I know and understand metastitic disease- but you have been on such a roller coaster. I am glad you are taking time for yourself. You must - you know there a world of people out there who love you and are sending you support, Me included. I only wish I could take this away - didn't they get the memo - only one of us with mets.
I cry
I love
I wish
I hope
I bang my head against a wall
I pray
I send you all the love in my heart
Ann
Mara, despite battering fatigue, you still communicate with passion, and we are so grateful. To tweak Liz's metaphor (thoughts, visitors, lines around the block...) if our thoughts and prayers were beads, you'd be adorned in necklaces and bracelets from here to the next century...!
p.s. re organic food...Mara, in case you don't know of it, you might be interested in the Slow Food Movement. Per its international website: "Slow Food is a non-profit, eco-gastronomic member-supported organization that was founded in 1989 to counteract fast food and fast life, the disappearance of local food traditions and people’s dwindling interest in the food they eat, where it comes from, how it tastes and how our food choices affect the rest of the world..."
http://www.slowfood.com/
I've been to Slow Food events in L.A., generally involving fabulous feasts of the freshest organic food, just harvested from local organic farms, and/or visits to those farms...
To find out what's happening politically & gastronomically on the food front in the NYC or DC area, check out the USA website: http://www.slowfoodusa.org/...
xoxoxo
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