Has an entire year passed since those intense weeks when Mara suffered, and the horrible day she died? It still seems very close in time.
Mara believed in life after death: living on in all of us. For us it is a challenge of course, especially now, to overcome sadness and to focus on the privilege of having known her and been one of the lucky people whom she touched.
I miss Mara. Having moved to Rome some weeks ago and having traveled to Sicily and to Venice... every thing of beauty is both wonderful and terrible. Mara would enjoy these places so much. Earlier today I crossed the Tiber, walking over the old Ponte Sisto. It was late afternoon, and I stopped midway to reflect on the time Mara and I had walked there together. Then, as today, there were tens of thousands of starlings in the sky. Happiness with grief.
Thanks to all who have been in touch! You have been such great support. In September I spent some time with Carol and Gil, and saw Mara's Washington friends.
My friend Claudia wrote a few days ago. I'll share it:
"Dear David, I have thought of you often and of Mara. I sometimes feel I do not have the right to bring her up, as the pain must be so difficult, yet of course she was part of you and I should probably bring her up more. She will always be there for you.
I look at Ed and can't imagine him not here, yet you do not have that luxury. And of course Mara was so young, too young, and so amazing. It's interesting that I feel I really knew her, when actually we were just new friends. She was so special that I think she made everyone she met feel special. I'm not sure where she got her strength, but she had it. And she taught me a lot, right in the midst of my own health scare. Like an angel, there to talk openly, explain, discuss. Our drive to Tel Aviv was a special time together.
I think of her as being with us always, right there. Now in my mind, looking down on a sunny day at you walking in Rome, so happy that you are there. (I'm somehow sure she made that happen from above... and I'm not religious!)
She knows you have to be sad, but also doesn't want you to be... and yet it is part of your love and deep caring relationship that of course requires mourning.
At this impossible-to-believe, first-year anniversary of Mara's being gone I wanted you to know how much I care."
Thank you, Claudia. That helps.
David
It's Mara
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10 comments:
Lieve David,
Dear Carol and Gil ,
it's just amazing and almost incredible that a whole year has passed since Mara died.
The light is the same, it's getting colder, the geese are forming their V and departing, chattering among each other, but still there is a difference ...
Our thoughts are with you, dear cousin, and with all of you who are thinking back , re-reading the blog and are thinking of (commemmorating ?) Mara.
We have a picture of Mara on our piano and we lignt a candle for her every day. And will continue to do so.
I miss her daily but try to keep her spirit, her vitality and her sense of humour going to guide me.
Much love to all,
Ems
Dearest David, Carol and Gil
I have been thinking of Mara so often, especially when I moved to Jamaica in June. I went through some tough times trying to adjust to a new life setting here and so many times I would think of Mara and her strength and I would get myself out of my down moods as a result of that and I would get renergized again as life is a precious gift. Like Claudia I was a new friend to Mara, but she touched my life too and I am blessed for that.
David I have not checked the blog in a long time, but this morning I did because I knew that it was Mara's first anniversary. Keep writing in the blog as you write beautifully as if Mara is still here.
I love you all and think of you often.
Hanan Ghannoum-Osner
My dearest Carol and Gil,David
A year has passed without our beloved girl Mara!
But, despite the fact that she is not with us(physically), i can feel everywhere her presence, her warmth which embraces us, her priceless care for all of us, and especially her wish and devoted deed to make people better, and to help them live in Peace!
Quite often at night when i watch the Sky i see the brightest star and i thnk that this is she - Mara.
Even there-from the Sky she continues to help us and to make our way brighter.
I just can't find the words to express how much i miss our dearest girl!
Much of love, Kina
Dear Carol, Gil, David and Alise,
I just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you and your family on this day. Mara's light was so bright that it still continues to shine.
Sending love to you all, Aimee
Dear All,
We continue holding Mara and all of you in our thoughts and hearts and to be amazed at, and so grateful for, how much she touched so many lives and the world.
Our love,
Debby and Dick
Dear David, Carol and Gil:
We all remembered Mara yesterday as a group from USAID gathered next to the tree we planted for Mara on the compound. A few words were said, flowers were placed near the plaque and we all had a few moments of silence. We all miss Mara, but can't but smile when we think about her bubbly, energetic self.
In commemoration of Mara, I went back and read emails I had exchanged with her. One of them was excerpts I forwarded to her on July 19, 2007 from Max Lucado’s book "Traveling Light":
“Aging is God’s idea. It’s one of the ways he keeps us headed homeward. We can’t change the process, but we can change our attitude. Here is a thought. What if we looked at the aging body as we look at the growth of a tulip? Do you ever see anyone mourning over the passing of the tulip bulb? Do gardeners weep as the bulb begins to weaken? Of course not. We don’t purchase tulip girdles or petal wrinkle cream or consult plastic-leaf surgeons. We don’t mourn the passing of the bulb; we celebrate it. Tulip lovers rejoice the minute the bulb weakens. “Watch that one,” they say. “It’s about to blossom.” Could it be heaven does the same? The angels point to our bodies. The more frail we become, the more excited they become. “Watch that lady in the hospital,” they say. “She’s about to blossom.” “Keep an eye on the fellow with the bad heart. He’ll be coming home soon.”
“We are waiting for God to finish making us his own children, which means our bodies will be made free” (Romans 8:23).
Are our bodies now free? No. Paul describes them as our “earthy bodies” (Phil. 3:21 MSG). Or as other translations state:
“our lowly body” (NKJV)
“the body of our humble state” (NASB)
“these weak mortal bodies” (NLT)
“our vile body” (KJV)
“our simple bodies” (NCV)
You could add your own adjective, couldn’t you? Which word describes your body? My cancerous body? My arthritic body? My deformed body? My crippled body? My addicted body? My ever-expanding body? The word may be different, but the message is the same: These bodies are weak. They began decaying the minute we began breathing.
And, according to God, that’s a part of the plan. Every wrinkle and every needle take us one step closer to the last step when Jesus will change our simple bodies into forever bodies. No pain. No depression. No sickness. No end.
This is not our forever house. It will serve for the time being. But there is nothing like the moment we enter His door.”
Mara’s response was: “Thank you Habibti. That is a wonderful sentiment and good way to think about it. How true that our bodies begin decaying the minute we are born. We have to be graceful about it. We have such a hard time understanding how transitory this life and body are – and not regretting it. But we need to welcome every moment of the experience. I am flattered that you thought of me! Warmly, Mara”
When my time comes, I hope I can do it gracefully, just as Mara did!
Arwa
Dear David,
Dear Carol and Gil,
Dear family and friends of Mara!
I am wearing her scarf now and I feel her presence in every little thing around. I know it will always be like that - she will NEVER leave us!
Zlatna
Dear Carol, Gil, and David,
I really don't think that there is ever a day that passes that I don't think about Mara. Maybe it's because I live in a city that I know she loved, and that was so intertwined with the years we spent together? No, it's more than that; like like so many of the other letter writers leaving comments here, I also find myself using Mara as a mental standard myself, when it comes to facing a situation that is troubling or makes me afraid. The thought of her strength and her laughter in the face of real fear and pain works to spark a marvelous, hidden reserve of strength in me. In any case, you should know that in Istanbul (and in Los Angeles and Chicago), my family and I are all thinking very strongly of her today, especially today, the anniversary of her death; we honor her memory deeply. JULIA
PS...just a little memory, as I wake up in Istanbul to the news that Obama has won: I remember so clearly the night in November, 1992 when Mara and I literally stayed up the entire night in front of a large screen TV set up in the ballroom of the Sofia Sheraton, watching as Clinton was elected president of the US. We were so elated, and I remember that as the older diplmatic corps members and international community went up to their rooms to sleep off the long night afterwards, we tried to catch a few hours of sleep on chairs lined up in the ballroom. (Of course we didn't have rooms or anything at the hotel)When we awoke, out of sheer joy, we used our sparse Peace Corps allowance money to buy ourselves a celebratory buffet breakfast that morning at the hotel. I have no idea how we could afford that, but we were in such good moods, we just had to treat ourselves. Anyway, just a memory from elections past. I know Mara would have stayed up all night for this one too, if she had been here.
I think of Mara so often, usually when 8yo Katherine has done something on her own and is bursting with pride to show me. I miss Mara's spirit, but knowing her has helped me appreciate and encourage my own kids' curiousity and creativity.
With love and good wishes,
AndrewDonnaTedKatherine
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